Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
