When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
