Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
