why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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