I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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