i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
