Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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