Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
