just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
