just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
