oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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