I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
