Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
honey bunches of taint.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
