I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize