Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
