its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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