she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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