toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
