remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
