I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
