i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
