Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
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We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
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Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."