I faked an abortion last night.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
