my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.