the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.