I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
