i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
