That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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