He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
