I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
