She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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