Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
