i jhust puked up my retainher.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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