I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
