So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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