why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
