I want to stick my p in your. b.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
