You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
