you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
