Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
