real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
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phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
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Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize