she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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