"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize