I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
