everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
