I think scott just propositioned me for sex
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
birth control should be required to get into college
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
