i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
