thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize