would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
