Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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