I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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