Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
