I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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