I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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