The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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