what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
