Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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