I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
