We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
