U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
