There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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