I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
