The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
