I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize