We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
