so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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