I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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