I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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