The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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