It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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