Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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