Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
