yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
