So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I deserve to be covered in dicks
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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