I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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