Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
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you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
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He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from