So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
