Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it

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  (773): My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it http://tfl.nu/4cmd
  Replies (3) Good night (694) Bad night (903)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.

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  (678): apparently farting at a cop is considered assault. http://tfl.nu/4f0p
  Replies (24) Good night (1530) Bad night (3832)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Too tired to pretend that I care : (

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  (847): I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over? (773): Too tired to pretend that I care : ( http://tfl.nu/bskc
  Replies (29) Good night (1096) Bad night (7881)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.

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  (206): Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking. http://tfl.nu/kuj0
  Replies (11) Good night (967) Bad night (4172)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school

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  (301): remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school http://tfl.nu/dith
  Replies (36) Good night (3336) Bad night (593)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.

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  (312): Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good. http://tfl.nu/1om1
  Replies (82) Good night (3439) Bad night (887)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.

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  (334): I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet. http://tfl.nu/qfk7
  Replies (47) Good night (1138) Bad night (4507)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?

  (305): View more from Florida

  Its worth a shot.

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  (918): Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits? (305): Its worth a shot. http://tfl.nu/0784
  Replies (9) Good night (1259) Bad night (2702)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends

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  (406): This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends http://tfl.nu/27cl
  Replies (32) Good night (4312) Bad night (837)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome

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  (317): cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome http://tfl.nu/yrg8
  Replies (35) Good night (5746) Bad night (2126)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?

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  (513): Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car? http://tfl.nu/e1cd
  Replies (4) Good night (3012) Bad night (898)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.

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  (407): Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me. http://tfl.nu/bdw0
  Replies (1) Good night (766) Bad night (395)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary

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  (917): I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary http://tfl.nu/znga
  Replies (8) Good night (1150) Bad night (459)
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.

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  (660): I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox. http://tfl.nu/jszg
  Replies (1) Good night (240) Bad night (238)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.

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  (506): That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers. http://tfl.nu/8tel
  Replies (2) Good night (866) Bad night (228)

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