Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.

(405): View more from Oklahoma

And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.

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(405): The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it. (405): And before you ask they are unrelated purchases. http://tfl.nu/nz1r

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.

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(405): Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one. http://tfl.nu/zdto

Replies (45) Good night (5297) Bad night (609)
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(214): View more from Texas

he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'

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(214): he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true' http://tfl.nu/1kz1

Replies (79) Good night (38546) Bad night (1859)
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(319): View more from Iowa

just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.

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(319): just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys. http://tfl.nu/rsgm

Replies (6) Good night (4159) Bad night (839)
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(216): View more from Ohio

she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???

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(216): she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job??? http://tfl.nu/mo3e

Replies (32) Good night (1167) Bad night (4066)
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.

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(902): Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines. http://tfl.nu/9k5b

Replies (12) Good night (4763) Bad night (807)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.

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(203): You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long. http://tfl.nu/0h4i

Replies (4) Good night (3248) Bad night (914)
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(626): View more from California

How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.

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(626): How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans. http://tfl.nu/e33l

Replies (12) Good night (2682) Bad night (1133)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.

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(715): tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder. http://tfl.nu/8ixi

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.

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(250): I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me. http://tfl.nu/it3h

Replies (3) Good night (1004) Bad night (732)
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(630): View more from Illinois

I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets

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(630): I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets http://tfl.nu/owc7

Replies (7) Good night (1127) Bad night (638)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK

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(401): I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK http://tfl.nu/01hq

Replies (2) Good night (1088) Bad night (446)
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(727): View more from Florida

Why were you not born a dude?

(1-727): View more from Florida

Because god wanted to level the playing field

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(727): Why were you not born a dude? (1-727): Because god wanted to level the playing field http://tfl.nu/5cfo

Replies (3) Good night (1044) Bad night (309)
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(305): View more from Florida

And then my night got REAL pukey

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(305): And then my night got REAL pukey http://tfl.nu/gzlf

Replies (0) Good night (142) Bad night (445)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".

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(603): I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl". http://tfl.nu/ggns

Replies (0) Good night (116) Bad night (42)

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