and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
you never un-have a 4some
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
