I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
