i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
