I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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