there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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