I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
