my sisters under your porch take her home
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
