Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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