Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
