LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
