OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Please, let me fuck your mom
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
