Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
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The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
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I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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